School's out, Christmas break.
Home for the holidays, meatloaf and fruit cake.
Off to Grandma's, It's so boring.
Screaming kids, and Grandpa snoring!
My aunt Margret's lost her mind!
Trippin on a train set, have another box of wine!!!
It's gonna be a Merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas!
I must be on Santa Claus's Shit List!
The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss.
Shoot, me now, I'm sick of all my relatives! (relatives, relatives)
Have a merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas!

Uncle Richard, He's a weirdo
Passing out pictures of himself in a speedo!
My cousin, Ashley, her singing really sucks!
Blames it on her drummer and her acid reflux!
My brother's wife is really hot!
She pulled me in the bathroom,
I hope we don't get caught!
It's gonna be a Merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas!
I must be on Santa Claus's Shit List!!
The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss!
Shoot, me now! I'm sick of all my relatives! (relatives, relatives!)
Have a Merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas!

We haven't even opened our presents yet,
Now it's time to start....
I'll fake a smile, 'cause it's going back to Walmart....

(Sweetie, are you OK in there?) (ohhh...)

It's gonna be a Merry, Merry, freakin' Christmas!
I must be on Santa Claus's Shit List!!
Shoot, me now! I'm sick of all my relatives! (relatives, relatives!)
Have a Merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas!
Merry freakin' Christmas!
(I'm Santa W. Clause, and I approve this message!!)